All music

Alphabet Soup cover artwork

Song · 9 Jun 2026

Alphabet Soup

Lyrics

parental advisory
if there are young children present
...
make them take notes

but really, you should probably take them out the room... Or, you know, stop being self entitled and put your headphones on

so kids
this shits what happens when mummy makes daddy get bedtime breath tested
when Miss Muffet gets sectioned
cos Pi made the nursery rhymes need psychiatric assessment

"this isnt music"

I agree with you, its
this shits a cartoon slipping tablets
in the cereal milk during the morning adverts

this shits alphabet soup
spelling violence in the saucepan
this shits Postman Pat having a panic attack
cos I left him a parcel marked organs
this shits Shaun the sheep getting shocked
on a farm where the fences electric
this shits childhood getting dragged by the neck
through parental neglect, shit

this shits Teletubbies on ketamine
sesame Street with sedatives
a future story in revolving library negatives
this shits crayons in a witness stand
with relatives colouring in court pictures and
this shits teddy bears bagged up in evidence
with their stuffing torn open
this shits bedtime stories written by social workers
where the endings are broken
this shits Blue Peter with blue tape round the crime scene
newsround reading out nightmares live from the side street
on CBBC, flick the screen I got CCTV of your parents only fans live feed
your mums got your dad chained up while she teaches him to stand in a line mate

sooo....
tell the little fuckers
dont blink as the blackboard bleeds
Pi teaches class with a Stanley knife
and gives good marks if shits neat
giving gold stars for trauma
and gel pens for keeping a secret
exclusion for that teddy bear
that saw so much the jury wouldnt believe it

this shits alphabet soup
spelling violence in the saucepan
this shits Postman Pat having a panic attack
cos I left him a parcel marked organs
this shits Shaun the sheep getting shocked
on a farm where the fences electric
this shits childhood getting dragged by the neck
through parental neglect, shit

this shits Penny pencil pressing charges
cos Pi fucked up the artist with the alphabet

say it with me now....

a is for arson at assembly getting ash on the attendance sheets
b is for blood baths before bedtime
c is for CBeebies buffering and stop covering the family screams
d is for daddy in the garden digging holes
"shh... dont say shit to the police"
e is for everyone next door pretending they didnt hear a peep
f is for foster forms folded for the next argument that gets heated and loud
g is for gold stars given to the kids that shut up and keep their questions down, oh crap I already said that...
h is for headcount, one short, mehhh...., their probably dead now
I is for innocence.... hmm, ohh, I mispronounced, grab a pen and scribble them from the register somehow
j is for Jack at the top of the hill, I heard Jill had a witness statement
k is for kitchen knives packed under the waist of a lost little stain kid
l is for lullabies leaking through the locked doors and loose ventilation
m is for mummy smiling through wet mascara like the police stations raining it
n is for next door noticing but never getting involved in it
o is for Ofsted opening cupboards and finding something folded up in it
p is for Postman Pat gone pale with a parcel that wont stop ticking
q is for quiet little memories that can make a grown men really ready for quitting
r is for red pen circling bruises on the armpits
s is for safeguarding stapled shut before the party started
t is for the therapist that talked to much, taped up
bagged and tagged as part of the harvest
u is for upstairs arguments turning bedtime into target practice
v is for violence, spelt wrong in alphabet soup so swallowed it
w is for waitress with work shifts that wont see tomorrow, bitch
x is for X ray ribs giving an explanations that just sounds hollow
y is for young lungs learning how to breath through smoke to watch their cartoon horror
z is for zero
the number of space for angels left in heaven
zero clean versions
zero wall padding

this shits alphabet soup
spelling violence in the saucepan
this shits Postman Pat having a panic attack
cos I left him a parcel marked organs
this shits Shaun the sheep getting shocked
on a farm where the fences electric
this shits childhood getting dragged by the neck
through parental neglect, shit

this shits alphabet soup
spelling violence in the saucepan
this shits Postman Pat having a panic attack
cos I left him a parcel marked organs
this shits Shaun the sheep getting shocked
on a farm where the fences electric
this shits childhood getting dragged by the neck
through parental neglect, shit

this shits alphabet soup
spelling violence in the saucepan
this shits Postman Pat having a panic attack
cos I left him a parcel marked organs
this shits Shaun the sheep getting shocked
on a farm where the fences electric
this shits childhood getting dragged by the neck
through parental neglect, shit

this shits alphabet soup

this shits



© 2026 Hotwife of Pi. All rights reserved. All lyrics are original works written and published under the name Hotwife of Pi and are protected by applicable copyright law. No part of these lyrics may be copied, reproduced, republished, distributed, adapted, performed, recorded, transmitted, used for artificial intelligence or machine-learning training, or otherwise exploited, in whole or in part, without prior written permission from the copyright holder, except where permitted by law.